Safe, Sane, and Consensual…MASSAGE?

When your massage therapist suggests you use a safe word with him, you get the feeling the massage will be pretty intense!

That’s what happened to me tonight.  I went for a long overdue massage and had a new guy this time – at least he was new to me.  So of course we talked about what I liked, where my problem areas are, etc. beforehand.

When he learned I like the Firm Swedish massage and that I ask for male masseuses  because they are typically stronger and can apply more pressure he suggested that I pick a ’safe word’ in case he was too hard on me.  We settled on simply using the word ’stop’ and he also said he would probably be able to tell by the way I was breathing and also if I tensed up.

It’s funny, though.  I read a lot of BDSM romances and learned about something called ’subspace’ where the submissive enters a state where they are kind of floating, aware but feel somewhat outside of themselves.  I get that way during a good massage.  If a massage therapist is doing a good job, that is. 

The first time I had a professional massage a few years back, I was a little nervous.  I had heard that they are very careful of keeping the private areas of your body covered with the sheet at all times, but was still a little worried that an accident might happen and I’d end up all shy , embarrassed and tense from it.

I needn’t have worried.  Not only are they really good at keeping you covered, but about 15 minutes into that massage I entered that relaxed euphoria and realized that I didn’t give a flying leap if he wanted to yank the covers completely off of me.  Seriously.   At that point, I felt so damn good I didn’t care what he did to me as long as those magic hands kept doing their job.

The next day when I thought about that feeling, I thought that must be what ’subspace’ feels like, or at least a little close to it.

Tonight when my masseur assured me he would be able to tell if I was OK by paying attention to my breathing and body tension, I once again thought how similar this activity is to the BDSM relationships I’ve read about.  A good Dom, as I understand it, must be totally aware of his sub’s state, using the same sort of signals to tell what state of mind the sub is in.

At least that’s how I imagine it must be…  I might be reading too many novels, though!  LOL

Starr Ambrose blogs with Wild on Books!

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Dirty Deeds and the Thunder Chief

Recognize that line?  For years I thought that the chorus to AC/DC’s hit song Dirty Deeds was “dirty deeds and the thunder chief”.  It wasn’t until a few years ago that I found out it is actually “dirty deeds and their done dirt cheap”.  Imagine my disappointment.  I thought the ‘Thunder Chief’ sounded kind of hot.  LOL  Which is probably totally NOT what AC/DC was going for, I am certain.

But it doesn’t stop there – I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who wondered why in the world Manfred Mann was singing about a douche in the song Blinded by the Light.  I now know the line in the song reads “blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night” but I STILL hear the word ‘douche’ in place of ‘deuce’.

Bonnie Tyler’s hit Total Eclipse of the Heart was one of my favorite songs once upon a time – I still love it, actually.  But it took years before I figured out that ‘pollygag’ was actually ‘powderkeg’ in the line “we’re living in a powderkeg and giving off sparks”.

Of course, the most infamous misheard lyric ever is probably from Jimi Hendrix’s Purple Haze.  “Scuse me, while I kiss this guy” is what many people heard – still hear.  The line is actually “Scuse me, while I kiss the sky”, but it is rumored that Jimi Hendrix was known to fool around a bit with that line, feeding the ‘misheard’ lyric.

One of my favorite websites gets its name from that particular misheard lyric:  http://kissthisguy.com.  Sounds kind of dirty, right?  But it is one of the net’s most long-lived archive of misheard song lyrics.  Visitors to the site can submit their own misheard lyrics to be enjoyed by all who come.  Or you can simply have a good laugh browsing through the crazy lines posted by the rest of us fools!  LOL

So c’mon, sock it to me.  Share some of your favorite misheard song lyrics in the comments here…  You know you want to!

The Alpha Male in Romantic Fiction vs. Real Life

For many of us women who enjoy romantic fiction, the Alpha Male is the kind of hero fantasies are made of.  He is arrogant, strong, demanding, dominant, maddening, and more.

Underneath it all, though, he is simply a great guy.  He saves the day.  He excites us beyond reason.  He is strong and confident enough to enjoy the challenge that an equally strong and independent woman presents to him.  In fact, he appreciates a woman with a lot of moxy.

But how does that work in real life?  In the real world, a man as arrogant and demanding as the romance hero alpha male can be fairly off-putting.  And sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference between him and the garden variety jerk or bully.

So what is a woman to do?  How does a gal find a guy who has all or some of the positive traits of the Alpha Male without crossing the line into the abusive, domineering SOB that is threatened by a woman who doesn’t cater to his every whim?

The trick is to always listen to your intuition.  If that little warning bell goes off inside your head, there is probably something your subconscious mind has picked up on that is being overlooked by your conscious.  Think about it – think hard.  You’ll figure out what is wrong with the situation.

On the other hand, is it just that this guy makes you a little uncomfortable?  Does he try to push you past some limits that maybe you need to get past?  For me personally, there are some things I maybe need a little nudge to get over every now and then – especially in the romantic area.  The man who recognizes that and forces me to face my fear might make me a little uncomfortable as I work through whatever it is that worries me, but he is doing me a favor in the long-run.

The problem for the Alpha Male, though, is how can he determine when a woman wants or needs to be pushed a little and when does he need to step back?  Trust me, I don’t envy the Alpha Male in today’s dating world.  It can’t be easy to temper their natural tendencies to take charge with some of us modern women who demand (and deserve) equal footing.  And figuring out when such a woman WANTS him to take charge versus when she needs to keep the reins in hand has to be difficult.