An Open Letter from a Biological Mother to Her Daughter

My Dearest Daughter,

Today is your eighteenth birthday and I have to say my emotions are even more tumultuous than they normally are this day every year.  I think about you every day, but your birthday always makes me think more about the things you have probably experienced throughout the last year.

Your childhood is over and you have become an adult.  I imagine you either graduated high school last year or will this year and are ready to start college.  The world is opening up for you and I trust your parents have prepared you to make your own way in this world.

I wonder what your plans for the future are.  Do your career interests lie in the artistic or academic worlds?  Do you have a definite plan for your next steps or are you trying to figure them out as you go along?  Are you going away for college or staying at home with your parents and attending a local university?

My sister gave birth to your first cousin on my side of the family last year.  She had a little girl.  Every time I look at her, I think of you even more.  I wonder if you looked like your cousin when you were a baby, if you had similar expressions, if you were as happy as she is.  More than anything I hope you were happy.

One day, I hope you and your cousin have the chance to meet.  I hope I get the chance to meet you and your parents.  I owe them so much for the life and the love they have given you and will provide in your future.  But whether or not those things every happen, I wish you and your parents joy and success.  Be well.

Happy Birthday.  I love you.

(Letters from previous years can be found here:  http://blog.jenaray.com/?cat=24)

Choose To Be Happy

You may think that your own happiness is out of your control.  You might feel lost, your emotional state subject to the various events in your life and maybe even the whims of those people around you.

But for the most part, you can choose to be happy.  Sounds easy for me to say, doesn’t it?  But it is true – I’m living proof.

If you wrote my life story, it would read like one of the most depressing Lifetime movies.  I was switched at birth, run over by a car when I was a child, abandoned by both my biological father and later the father who adopted me, gave my only child up for adoption when she was born, lost my home and everything in it during Hurricane Opal, etc., etc.

That’s some sob story, huh?  But I don’t remember every feeling like I had a bad life, even during the worst of times.  While certain events may have made me sad at the time or even perhaps depressed, those emotions were fleeting, never consuming my life.

I come from a family of people who laugh in the face of adversity.  Truly.  We probably aren’t the most politically correct family, but we find it cathartic to laugh together through the worst of times – especially when the only other option seems to be crying.

I’ve learned to look for the good things in my life, count the blessings – especially when the bad stuff threatens to overload me.  You know what?  I’ve never had trouble finding something positive in my life.  It may be something small, but that one thing may be the touchstone I need in that moment to keep me from immersing into the sadness and reaffirm that God loves me.

Some people think that I am always happy, and while that is true a lot of the time, I do have my moments. 

This week, for instance, is my daughter’s birthday.  I knew before she was born that God intended her for another family who couldn’t have a baby themselves, and I have never doubted that decision.  That doesn’t mean I don’t wish that circumstances hadn’t been considerably different at the time.  I miss my daughter terribly, even if I never saw her.  I have always loved her.

So the week of her birthday is an emotional one for me, although I think of her every day.  The day of her birth reminds me of everything in her life that I have missed, makes me wonder what her life is like now, hoping that she had every advantage I couldn’t have given her.

And if something happens to make me upset right now, it is harder than normal for me to pull out of that funk.  It’s easy for me to spiral into a depression during this time.

How do I deal with that?  I plan things during this time that keep me occupied.  I surround myself with people I love and trust to deliver positivity and cheer.  That positive energy does wonders to counter any bad feelings that I may have and helps me through what is the toughest week of the year for me.

It makes me absolutely heartbroken when I see people who don’t know how to grab happiness for themselves.  I want everyone to understand how easy it is to find it – they just have to look for it and choose it.  Count the small blessings – you would be surprised how many of them you have in your life.  Don’t depend on big events to make you happy – those can be few and far between.  It’s those small daily miracles that are really the fabric of life.

Another thing that helps is to do things for others.  It always makes me feel good to do something for someone else with no expectations of reciprocation. 

Smile at a stranger – you never know when a simple smile will change that person’s day.  Compliment someone on something – earrings, hair style, the color they are wearing, whatever.  Perform a random act of kindness somehow, no matter how small.  The good energy you send out will come back to you.  Maybe not in that exact moment, but it will be returned. 

And if you know that you are acting from a place of goodness and love, then how can you regret any kindness?

I wish all of you the best.  I hope you find joy and peace in your life – enough at least that it helps balance those hard times when they roll around, because they are bound to.

Remember that the trials in our lives are for a reason.  They make us stronger, they set us on a path, whatever.  If you have faith, then you know there is a plan and we don’t always know what that plan is.  We just have to trust God and make the most of the blessings in our lives.

Intuition vs. Fear

Listen to your intuition.  Face your fear. Both are great advice.  But what do you do when the two are in conflict with each other?

You know those moments – you can’t quite tell if your intuition is really ringing alarms or not?  Especially when it is concerning a situation you know causes you some amount of trepidation already.

It can be a tricky thing to weed through the available signs to discern whether your fear is a warranted concern or whether it is the product of worried overreaction. 

Ignoring that niggling feeling that something is off, however, can lead to considerable distress if the truth finally reveals your intuition to be on target.

Complicate that with those times when you want your intuition to be wrong, and it can be even more difficult to wade through the facts and fears to find the truth.

Giving it patience and time are often the best course of action but this is often the most difficult solution to abide.  Knowing a truth doesn’t always make it easier.  I’m still learning.

Blown Tires & Good Samaritans at Christmas

I was fortunate enough to be able to spend Christmas with my Mom and the rest of my family again this year, although they live two states away from me.  Traveling home to Nashville last Sunday night (December 28, 2008), my right rear tire blew out. 

If this hasn’t happened to you yet, then you are really lucky.  If it has happened to you, then you understand just how scary it is.  I had no doubt in my mind what had occurred, even though it had never happened to me before.  The car was hard to control and I could feel that end riding the rim.

I did what you aren’t supposed to do – I drove just a little bit further on it.  I know, I know…  But it was already dark and I thought I would prefer to buy a new rim than to be stuck in the dark on the side of I-65.  It might not have been the right decision, but it’s what worked for me in the moment.

The other deciding factor in driving just a little further was that I was already at the Fieldstown Road exit in Birmingham, an exit I have used numerous times for travel breaks, meals, etc.  I knew there was a gas station right off the exit, so I pulled into the Chevron and went inside to see if they could recommend a place to get a new tire.

They reminded me that there was a Wal-Mart just around the corner and suggested I drive there.  Having already driven further than I should have, I decided it best to get a tow there.  I was already someplace I felt relatively safe, so there was no need to chance further damage to the rim or face the hazard of driving a car that is hard to control.

I phoned Wal-Mart’s Auto Service department and asked if they could dispatch someone or if they had a tow service.  The fellow who answered the phone said they had actually closed at 5 PM that evening (by now it was almost 6 PM) and I asked if he could recommend someone else that could do it.  He put me on hold and Steve came back on the line to tell me they were going to reopen just to put a tire on for me and he also gave me the number to a tow service they liked.

I called the tow service, Hurst Towing & Recovery, and they dispatched someone pretty quickly.  Chief showed up and took charge immediately, hooking my little Honda Civic up on the back of his truck and toting both it and me off to Wal-Mart.  When I tried to tip him, he flatly refused, wishing me a Merry Christmas and telling me he was glad I was safe.  I thanked him profusely before he left.

Then I met with Steve, the Auto Service manager at Wal-Mart who had been kind enough to reopen and wait for me.  I made sure he had what he needed from me to get started and then begged to be pointed to their restroom (I hadn’t been in 250 miles by then).

Steve and his employee, Randy, worked hard to get a new tire on the car for me as quick as possible, without complaint.  They went above and beyond to help a stranded traveler and I really appreciated the effort they went to in order to make sure I was taken care of.  I would totally have understood if they had not reopened, but this group of people showed me that the spirit of Christmas is alive and well in Birmingham.  Although I have to believe that Chief, Steve, and Randy probably exhibit that spirit year round, not just at the holidays.

I would happily do business with any of these wonderful people again, and highly recommend them to anyone in their area looking for services they provide.

Wal-Mart
Store #1201
890 Odum Road
Gardendale, AL 35071
(205) 631-8110

Hurst Towing & Recovery
Birmingham, AL
(205) 631-8697

Apparently, I am one of THOSE people…

The rain is pouring right now, and I went out to pick up a to-go order for lunch, having a craving for my favorite Caribbean Barbecue Rotisserie Chicken with black beans and sweet potatoes…  But I digress…

While en route to the restaurant, I found myself rather annoyed at another motorist who neglected to turn their headlights on even though the rain is pouring.

Then I noticed MINE weren’t on.  I am usually so good about turning them on in the rain – it’s turning them off once I’ve parked that is my problem.  But there I was, driving without my headlights.

So I felt bad about being annoyed with the other driver.  Maybe they just forgot this once too.  I guess it can happen to any of us… 

This is me, ashamed and reminded to have a little more tolerance…